My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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