The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
