Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
