i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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