k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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