"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
