I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
