I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You were trust falling into bushes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
