i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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