dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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