I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
