hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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