The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
