508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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