well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
