they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
