I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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