dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
