My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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