I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
