Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
