$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
