do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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