I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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