New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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