Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
