I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
