We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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