please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
