yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
