Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
