I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
