he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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