He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dicks are not precious.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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