Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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