$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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