can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
