He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
