You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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