So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
