Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
