Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So here I am, sexting at work.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
