He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
