i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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