She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
