last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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