That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
