she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
