This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
