She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
