i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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