the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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