it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
