Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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